Let’s be real – if you’re single on Valentine’s Day, you’re going to feel like shit. Public declarations of love are all over your coupled-up friends’ Facebook and Instagram profiles, Twitter is awash with public proposals, it’s almost like people only love their partners on Valentine’s day.
The worst part is that the most miserable place in the world doesn’t even offer solace. You can’t even escape the flower deliveries at work, which is terrible if you have hay fever.
If this sounds like you, you can double down in your misery, because we’re here to bring you the Singles’ Survival Guide to Valentine’s Day ’19. Let’s get down to business.
Order Pizza for Two
No one has to know that you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day alone. For all they know, you’re spending an evening in, with a gorgeous date, and the possibility of Netflix and chill looming on the horizon.
While you’re probably going to eat both pizzas (and the breadsticks, garlic bread, and chicken wings that come with it) all by yourself, and then Netflix-and-chill alone in your bed, it’s nobody’s business but yours.
Plus, at least the pizza delivery guy won’t judge you.
Get Flowers Delivered from Your “Secret Admirer”
So, you’ve been single for an extended period of time, and your happily-married colleague keeps talking about setting you up with her brother. You’ve been single for so long, that it’s actually starting to sound tempting – except for the fact that he doesn’t smell too good, and that his anime body pillow collection really freaks you out.
Get your colleagues off your back by ordering a bouquet of flowers delivered to your workplace. Write yourself a romantic message, and sign it cryptically, “You-know-who” (cue the Voldemort jokes), or, “Your secret admirer”.
We promise that you’ll be left to your singledom in peace, while your colleagues try to figure out who your mystery date is.
Take Advantage of All the Valentine’s Day Deals
No one knows you’re single, and no one can prove that your best single friend isn’t your life partner of three years. Lots of fancy restaurants, relaxing spas, and expensive resorts have fantastic Valentine’s Day deals for couples to take advantage of. Here’s the thing, though… who says you can’t take advantage of these deals with a close friend?
Grab a single friend, and take advantage of some of these deals – you’re spending time with someone you like, and you’re treating yourself! Plus, hanging out with another single person on Valentine’s Day is great, because you’ll get to make fun of all the disgusting, cheesy couples around.
Don’t Forget the Chocolates and Candy
Valentine’s Day means sales on expensive chocolates and candy. Those Lindt chocolates you’ve been craving? What about some Ferrero-Rocher? If you’re feeling extra-fancy, there’s always Godiva chocolates, or something from the Patchi selection. Now is the time to buy them.
Go ahead and splurge, especially if you have a sweet tooth – because this Valentine’s Day, you’re treating the most important person in your life: yourself.
Celebrate Gal-entine’s Day (or Pal-entine’s Day)
We get it – during your last serious relationship, you severely neglected your friends. Maybe you cancelled on them too many times while you were hanging out with your ex-bae, or you weren’t there for them when they desperately needed your help. You’re single now, and it’s time to make it up to them.
Buy a spa kit, and host a spa night indoors with Prosecco and a face mask. If that sounds too tame for you, hit up a fun group class together (we hear that pole-dancing is becoming increasingly popular), or invite them all to a cheeky night out. You may be single, but there’s no reason not to spend Valentine’s Day with people you love!
Throw a Singles’ Awareness Day Party…
Sure, Valentine’s Day falls on a Wednesday this year, but who says you can’t party in the middle of the week? We’re not quite suggesting a massive rave at a house party, so maybe go for something a little more subdued – a fancy dinner party with some of your single friends and family members is a pretty fun idea.
If you’ve got a few bottles of wine left over from Christmas, and the fancy new cookbook from that aunt you only see twice a year, get some groceries delivered to your doorstep so that you can try out a new recipe. Have some friends over – and if the home-cooked meal doesn’t work out, order some food. It’s a great night to get a little tipsy and talk about the worst dates you’ve ever been on.
…and Play Tinder-Roulette
Tinder-Roulette is a great Valentine’s Day game… for singles, that is. Download Tinder, create a profile, and swap phones with your friends! Swipe through the first ten profiles you see – you only get one hard pass, so choose wisely. The person with the most matches among the first ten profiles has to down their drink.
It’s a great way to have fun with your friends, find out what their real types are (for future reference – so you can set them up, of course!), and maybe even find your next date, who is already 100% approved by your friends.
No, not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Take some time to reflect on why you’re single – does your negative attitude put people off? Maybe a self-help book can sort you out. Is your perfume of choice too obnoxious? Then it’s time for a change.
Perhaps your car is an incredibly-unsafe rust bucket, and no one is willing to risk their lives in it. Why not trade it in?
Don’t forget to be the best version of yourself, before you decide to get involved with someone else. With a little self-improvement, maybe you won’t be reading this article again next year!