Table of Contents
Dating, it’s that phase you need to take when you’re thinking about being serious with someone. Whether it could be with a long-standing crush, a childhood friends-to-lovers scenario or even someone you met on a dating app!
Seems simple and innocent and it should be but in this day and age of technology for digital footprints exists, it begs the question—are we really safe? How safe can one be when all our information is splayed on the internet for anybody to see and collect, all from the tip of their fingers?
Let’s explore the dangers of dating in this modern reality by venturing into some dating horror stories to point out the common risks; mainly, how easy it is to find one's personal details.
Although we adore a good love story, it’s also important for us to be aware of the possible dangers and how we can safely date. Despite sounding far-fetched and outlandish, love scams, identity theft, stalking and harassment crimes are on the rise.
And most importantly, we're writing this to teach you to identify the warning signs and how best to protect yourself.
- Love Scams: I Love You (and your bank account)
Just last ear it was reported that over 29 million people were the victims of “love scams” worldwide. In fact, we shouldn’t look too far when just last year, “64-year-old Ipoh woman loses RM5.29 million in a love scam” shocked the nation. This came just shy before yet another 54-year-old woman fell victim and lost RM1.4 million made headlines nationwide.
You ask yourselves, “How does one fall for something so ridiculous?”
And it may seem that way but imagine meeting someone online, being whisked away by sweet words and the idea of blooming romance. Seems like your atypical love story that in any other situation would be supported to pursue and follow one’s heart’s deepest desires.
Do you get it now?
Indeed, love makes you do crazy things and this is no exception. These scammers purposely target those vulnerable to love and use this to their advantage. They are experts in utilising psychology and social engineering skills to prey on their targets before successfully roping them into their sinister plans.
Under the guise of being your “lover in grave danger”, they’ll use this act to manipulate and ask you for aid in the form of financial transactions which seems like the oldest trick in the book but like we said, love makes you do the unthinkable.
Next thing you know, they’re uncontactable, untraceable and have simply vanished into thin air. That’s how most cases are these days; all that’s left is an agonised victim and an empty bank account.
- How Stalkers Are Made
Nowadays, we like to joke about having expert investigators skills, but how far is too far? See, we’re always risking our safety when we put ourselves out into the world wide web. People often call it leaving our digital footprint.
We post photos of our coworkers doing funny things in the office, venturing to your favourite mamak, your pets, your family, and the list goes on. Not to the bearer of bad news, but all these innocent little things we don’t think too much about are us exposing ourselves to the threat of lurking eyes.
Just like that, they now know where you live, where you work, where and when you frequent your gym and so on. It’s not to say that you shouldn’t live your life and share it with the people you trust and care about, but you should be cautious of who is among them.
Regularly practice going through your viewer list in your stories and take into account names you aren’t familiar with. Be careful not to expose vital and specific information to not only protect you but the people around you as well.
- Stalkers and social media
One of our fellow coworkers shared her very scary experience with a stalker. She told us that she started getting to know the man through a dating app a few months prior to the incident but shortly grew uninterested to further the connection. Although to her, she didn’t think much of it but it couldn’t have been said the same for the other.
A few months later, she was out with her friends when she received a private message request on Instagram from someone she doesn’t follow. To her surprise, it was the man she had ghosted a few months back, reaching out to her on her social media she was positive she never shared.
But what was so spine-chilling about the whole ordeal was how he sent a photo of her retreating back so recently it could not have been more than 10 minutes beforehand.
The truth behind it all was revealed that the man didn’t take the rejection very well so he used the app Snapchat which has a feature called Snapmap that shows the exact and precise location of where you are located—live.
He had been watching her moves for weeks before confronting her and revealing himself. The way he discovered her social media was still unknown but what was certain was that our coworker immediately reported him and disabled her Snapmap.
What started out as a fun, silly feature to keep up to date with your friends turned into a mechanism to help in advance stalking which could have gone a million other ways with endings not as pretty as this one.
With that being said, be aware of your mobile applications and the features they have as something as small and unsuspecting could lead to harm en route to you.
- Into the Personal Data Rabbit Hole
How easy is it to find one’s personal information? It’s relatively easier than you think. Whether we’d like to admit it or not, every website we register on, every social media we join and every tweet we post is a breadcrumb trail of information. The vulnerability of our private details is compromised and out in the open for anyone to take advantage of.
To show you how easy it is to steal one’s data and information, we conducted how far of a rabbit hole we can go by using one of our coworkers as our lab rat (with their consent, of course). The aim was to try and see how far we could go using 2 resources: their photo and their name.
From there, we started by googling his name and the first thing we found was his LinkedIn account. On it, we found his workplace, his alma mater, and his email address.
With just these little facts about him and the span of 5 minutes, we uncovered his social media, online portfolio (with his phone number revealed), the neighbourhood he lives in and even a cringey, long-forgotten YouTube dance channel.
The bottom line is that with little to nothing, our entire lives can be retraced in this data chain; this could lead to stalking cases, identity theft, harassment, etc. As an example, a date gone wrong could be the start of a serious case of obsession and infatuation and the assailant can have all they need to know about you at the press of their screen.
Although it seems inevitable, however, what we can do is limit and be cautious of our digital footprint. Take extra precautions and never unveil your personal details where anybody can collect and retrieve them. Indeed, it is always better to be safe than sorry.
- What Should You Do To Stay Safe When Dating?
- Follow your instincts
The best tell-tale sign is to trust your instincts, they will notice red flags before you do. If a stranger approaches you on social media or a foreign number contacts you who wants to simply “be friends”, stay alert and be cautious or just hit the block button.
If “he’s a red flag but I’m colourblind” is your excuse until an hour before going out on a date then it’s better to call it off. If your date understands your weariness, they will try to reassure you whereas someone with bad intentions might react offended and guilt trip you into going out anyways.
What if you’re already going out to a bar together but the vibes are off and they appear sketchy? Continue to be cautious and if the situation escalates to where your instincts are blowing out warning sirens, reach out to the staff of the establishment and let them know so they can assist in safely helping you leave.
Finally, if they sound too good to be true then it’s probably just that. I mean what reason could a Royal Prince of a foreign country suddenly slide into your DMs for? It’s common sense and it’s best to be realistic when it comes to your safety.
- Background check
With whatever information you know about them, use it to research. If they have given you their social media, go through their photos, posts, causes they support, etc. This provides you with an inside look at what you’re getting yourself into.
To take it up another level, use reverse image tools on the photos they post and see if it’s an actual authentic photo or something they ripped off of Pinterest. It’s easy to fall into a rabbit hole in your research but in the end, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
- Use an alias
How do you know if the “Sarah” you’re talking to is actually a “Sarah” and not “Nadiah”? Exactly, that’s the point. Mayhaps, deceit isn’t the most ethical way to start dating a potential love interest but surely, once you advance into a stage where you feel safe and comfortable to trust them, they will understand.
It’s a form of protection to ensure an extra level of security. Disclaimer: we are not encouraging you to catfish people but in the name of safe dating, do what you got to do, bestie.